Steff

as i sit here typing i wonder if i’ve made any progress whining and discussing and intellectualising about the whole damn affair…

how did it come to this?? …

even b4 embarking on this journey last year to pursue what interested me:musical theatre, knowing i had all the ability and spark to make it big in the industry, as soon as i got into it, perspectives change and i found myself questioning if i had made the right choice - there was so much at stake: with each passing day i was faced with challenges that eventually made me question my own identity. i saw what one had to do, to sacrifice, to live the life of a performer…in many classes, i felt myself wondering what the hell am i studying this for? theatre when i could be devoting the same time and money to studying about human behaviour…just seems to me a more productive way or something..

i know many theatre lovers would disagree with me that there’s nothing better than the freedom and creativity of the performing arts world, but for me personally, i’ve always been happier finding out ways i can help people and in fact, enjoy it more than performing ever will…

i dunno how many of us are spiritual these days, but i need that aspect in my life and being in singapore has actually resulted in the opposite happenning…i found i had to change my views to fit in (theatre people are so very clannish that if u dont speak their lingo, u ain’t part of the club) , and found myself willing to give up my principles and to a certain extent, my morality if thats how to myself noticed..and i think, this cant be it!?? i need more in life…

..but what is most scary: i going to the theatre, being with artsy people, sharing their life experiences, singing and dancing, but (i never thought i’d say this) really don’t give a damn about pleasing the audience or not coz if i dont get a personal kick outta singing, etc, i feel so dejected and empty i wonder what its all about…

hey evry1! finally got my blog up and running…but warning: if ur in a good mood, skip this entry coz it aint all sunshine and butterflies..

"..there comes a time when the soul asks what is its purpose, when it is so longer satsfied with the reasonings of the rational mind, and exhausted with the heart’s contant yearning..it demands to be fed..not with thoughts or feelings…but with broader horizons and clear skies…" - StephanieOlivia**

haha i wish i had taken that out of a great book of wisdom, but hey, i guess i’ll have to make do with what god gave me not too bad i hope…i call them "5 minute inspirations" (a certain melbourne dude would know exactly what i mean as his subtle engineering mind has been subjected to many a poetic bombardment by yours faithfully and truly..and he has taken it like a man: with curiosity and wit! luv ya, dan ;D )

anyways, i begin to write this as i sit at home awaiting what is to become of me…today my 2nd year at la salle’s pioneer musical theatre BA course started without me…and i wonder, have i made a mistake?? …for those of u who have a huge question mark floating above your heads, i have come to a crossroads (actually 2 weeks ago it all started) when i began having serious doubts about whether musical theatre is right for me…started weighing the pros and cons, and began ..(to be continued)…